This is the first real week that I can say the Lord really really tried my faith. Before, I've always known it will be okay. And right now I still do. I know I am never alone. But because of what I've gone through this week. Now I KNOW it will all be okay.
Missions are hard. Incredibly hard. But they are game changers. I am learning more and more that the Lord gives us just a little bit more than we can take so we can remember who we need to trust. I am not perfect. No one on this earth is perfect. But God is real.
I've realized that I've been a little bit selfish. I've not wanted to give my everything. For some reason, words are so much easier than actions. But it's actions that define us. In the words of President Thomas S. Monson, Decisions determine destiny. Not thoughts. Not desires. Not words. But actions.
Elder Tad Callister of the Seventy gave an amazing talk on being a consecrated missionary. In holding nothing back. In being a servant of the Lord always in every circumstance. Through anything.
This week I had several depression and anxiety attacks. I felt entirely alone. But then, one of my companions, Elder Skoubye, told me something. And it's stuck with me. Mission's are hard. They are really super hard. I almost went home myself. One of my companions did, and my other companion was thinking about it.
God puts people in our path for a reason. For me, Elder Skoubye was the miracle for me this week. Already, him and my other Trainer Companion Elder Ahlert, have taught me so much. Out here I am learning so much, especially about absolute humility. About absolute trust in the Savior. About choosing to let him refine you, even when the term 'refiner's fire' is a key part of that process. Even though sometimes, man, does it hurt!
In this life we have to walk by faith. One of my other companions (I'm in a foursome) has shown me what it is truly like to give it all over to the Lord. On his agenda, he has written: Courage over Comfort. And that's exactly what a mission is. It's incredibly tough. But if we want our confidence to wax strong in the sight of the Lord, we need to constantly give him all that we can, both in our thoughts, our words, and our actions. And about that percentage thing I talked about in my talk. I'm starting to realize that we can't just give 100 %. We need to give 100 %, that's for sure. But we also need to believe that through him, we can give the 101. Because if we give ourselves entirely for the work, he will more than qualify us for the work. But first, we need to trust him, even, no especially when it hurts. Because that's the point in the trial where we decide whether we are shoulder up, and meet the challenge. Or let it pass us by. That's the point when we decide whether we are gonna give up. Curl up back inside our shell and hide. Or be the heroes that our Lord and Savior not only expects but needs us to be. Because there are others out there in constant need of our rescue.
Family and friends, pain is real. Struggle is real. I see it all around me every day of my mission. But the only way we are going to be able to get past it, the only way to rise above, is to be the example. To be the one is scared to death, but the one who is saddling up anyway. To be that person who says 'the buck stops here.' No matter what. If you want to be able to weather the elements you have to tell yourself, 'I will not submit to the storm. I will not bow to the adversary. Because you aren't going to find the strength of the wind by bowing down to it. You aren't going to become stronger, grow to be a better missionary, unless you decide that that day that you have been waiting to come for your whole life, that day of courage, and that day of change is today. Every day is a fight. Every day is a fight to be a champion of the army of Helaman. A soldier for good. So suit up. Put on that spiritual armor. Don't go another day without telling yourself again the testimony of Him who Sacrificed all so that we might know true joy and happiness, if not in this life, then in the life to come. Commit that to your heart. Because we need it. Each and every day we need to remind ourselves of this truth, and say, in the words of Nephi, "I know in whom I have trusted." But do we? Do we really know it? The adversary is sharpening his axe, he's priming the engines, he's sharpening his blades. And we simply can't afford to not be doing the same.
These are the last days. These are the final hours of our testing. This is the final sprint. And God has saved you for the final round. We can't afford to slacken our grips, to lose sight of the prize, no, not even for an instant. The second you realize it's not about us and its not about you and that there are others out there who need this Gospel and need it now, is the second you become one of the most powerful instruments in the hands of God. In this life, we can't afford to be afraid. That was a luxury for others of the past. We need to bear the title of liberty as fiercely and strongly in our homes as brightly as we are able, trusting in God for our support, as did Lehi, in one of my favorite ever chapters of the Book of Mormon: (2 Nephi 4)
16 Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.
17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I havetrusted.
20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayerbefore him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body beencarried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.
Those words have changed me. They are what I hope to be. I can't read those words without feeling a great stirring in my heart, and an incredible desire to change who I have once be to be who I want to dare to believe that I could be. Don't you feel the same? Nephi's and Lehi's testimonies are incredible! Here's just a bit more:
1 And now I, Nephi, cannot write all the things which were taught among my people; neither am I mighty in writing, like unto speaking; for when a man speaketh by the power of the Holy Ghost the power of the Holy Ghost carrieth it unto the hearts of the children of men.
2 But behold, there are many that harden their
3 But I, Nephi, have written what I have written, and I esteem it as of great worth, and especially unto my people. For I pray continually for them by day, and mineeyes water my pillow by night, because of them; and I cry unto my God in faith, and I know that he will hear my cry.
4 And I know that the Lord God will consecrate my prayers for the gain of my people. And the words which I have written in weakness will be made strong unto them; for it persuadeth them to do good; it maketh known unto them of their fathers; and it speaketh of Jesus, and persuadeth them to believe in him, and to endure to the end, which is life eternal.
5 And it speaketh harshly against sin, according to theplainness of the truth; wherefore, no man will be angry at the words which I have written save he shall be of the spirit of the devil.
6 I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell.
I will end with a part of Lehi's final testimony, in chapter 1 of 2 Nephi, verse 15: (Sorry, I can't help it, it's too good!! )
15 But behold, the Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell; I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love.
So what are you doing sitting around listening to me for? You know what it is that you need to change. I know the Lord has been talking to you while you've been reading this. I know that I have definitely felt it. So get up and get out there. Stop wasting the sacred time that you have been given, and get up. And go do it.
P.S. If all this is just a little bit overwhelming, as I know that it sometimes is, then just breathe. Be still, and Know that He is God. and Everything is going to work out. So long as you keep trying. You keep trusting. And you never give up. Don't you quit! There is Hope and Happiness ahead. And you don't have to be perfect in a day, or even in this lifetime. You just have keep trusting in Christ, and then everything else is going to 'work out for your good'.
I bear you my humble witness that Christ is real. and that through Him we can overcome anything. We just have to trust Him first. Through it all, and through anything. Through good times and bad. But even if you only have a desire to believe even if you are acting on only a twig of faith, let it blossom, let happen, and you keep going, and let the morrow take thought for the things of itself. And I solemnly testify that if you do this, it will all be okay. I testify that if you do this, you will never walk alone. And one day, you will, along with all the believers and all those who were created of Him, 'see Him and know that He is' and because you have done what was right, and paid the uttermost farthing, you will have qualified to live again with him in the kingdom of our God. You don't have to be perfect to get there. You just have to remember Who trust.
And P.P.S. Missions are really awesome :)
Sincerely, Elder Jeffrey Roberto Hakalaka
haiku for you. You thought I forgot didn't you?? Well. You'd be wrong.
Nothing like puddles
in my shoes. To help me know
Where I stand. (WA-TAC!!!)
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