I was tempted to not talk to much about my past week up here in the watac. To pretend that everything was fine. But I felt like for whatever reason I needed to be open about it. So I really hope this can help someone else.
This week was really, really hard for me.
This week I really struggled, and had to ask for a blessing from my companions. I'm struggling to endure to the end. I am really tired. Dealing with negativity and depression and constantly feeling like I'm not being misunderstood is tough.
I am learning it doesn't matter how much you think you know, how experienced you are, or how awesome you think you are, you will always have to trust in the Lord, and put his will above your own.
There are times when I want to trust myself more than Him. Time and time again I find myself questioning decisions He has made. I've shed a lot of tears and had a lot of uncertainty about a lot of stuff. But in the end it's all come down to one thing --
God loves me. I know he does. And because I know that, I know I can trust him, even though right now I honestly don't understand stuff a whole lot.
this transfer, I've really been humbled by my trials. Its been hard. But I'm not going to give up until I see my mission through.
Zeezoram is one of my heroes. I think of his experience, and suddenly things don't seem all that bad.
Zeezoram lost everything. His friends his family his home. His wife and kids were burned in a fire. He was stoned by those who he once considered to be his friends, and he still didn't lose his faith. He lost everything else, but he didn't lose his faith. He trusted in the atonement of Jesus Christ to see him through. And if he can do that, then so can I.
That why right now he is my favorite book of Mormon hero. He had to sacrifice everything he knew for what was more important -- his faith in the savior Jesus Christ. He had to flee his own city that he grew up in, leave his family and his friends and quite literally abandon everything to find God. Sometimes I feel like that. Like I've literally had to give up everything to know Him. And although my experience was not even remotely that of zeezroms, the response is the same. I throw my hands up in the air and say, you've got this God. I'm giving you 100 percent. Because you're all I've got left right now.
My mission has not been what I expected. It was not quite the experience I imagined, where you knock on a few doors, find the elect, and they just waltz to the font. It isn't that simple.
The things you don't always hear about and the stuff that no one else can adequately understand unless they themselves have stood in the shoes of a missionary. The sheer amount of ridicule and pain we experience on a literally daily basis. The amount of fight it takes to put that tag on is no exaggeration. It is a literal war out here. A battlefield. The things you don't hear about is just how often missionaries talk about giving up, about going home, about throwing in the towel. The feelings of utter loneliness, sadness, and depression. Of being misunderstood, of wanting to submit. The fiery darts of the adversary are entirely real. The joy that we experience is not handed to us without paying a price that i am unable to describe. Jeffrey r holland described it as our own personal gethsemane, a place that only the truly converted will ever go. Conversion is not just a simple change, but a refiners fire. You really have to dig down deep if you are going to finish your mission. You have to have some real torque! It is a battle for souls, as much your own as for someone else's.
So when you're struggling with your mission with your testimony or just with things in life, I want you to know I can relate. But even more than that, I know where we can turn. To Jesus Christ. To the Savior of the World. To our all and our everything.
Keep striving. Keep trusting. Keep believing. God will not abandon us. He can't and he won't.
His love is real. Have hope and keep trying.
And you will find that He is with you always. He understands completely. Of this I testify in the name of him who provides the way for us all to return home to our heavenly family again someday in the name of Jesus Christ amen.
Hey y'all!
It's been another awesome week up here in the Washington tacoma mission!
This past week Denilson was finally baptized! Thank you for all your prayers and support, we definitely felt it!
It was kind of a crazy baptism because it almost didn't happen. So many things went wrong. He didnt show up at church, and was thirty minutes late to the baptism. We had it filled and everything. But then at the last minute, we were able to get him a ride, thanks to an incredible member, and at 8:15 last night, He was baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! Elder Fuentes baptized him and afterward I was able to confirm him. Then he stood up and shared a testimony about how two missionaries, a year and a half ago, knocked on his door, and taught him about the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and about a strange book called the Book of Mormon. At first he found it all very strange (nos dijo que el libro de mormon lo fue absurdo, por que el no supo una otra manera a decirlo) and he didn't read the book. Then he moved away and forgot all about it.
It wasn't until three months ago, that one of those same elders came and knocked on my door again. I knew it couldnt be a coincidence. So when the elders talked to me about baptism, I accepted. I am so grateful to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
When Denilson said those words, I wont lie. I teared up a little bit. Because that elder, that elder was me.
I know I came here to find him. I know because I was obedient, Denilson, my brother, who I promised I would find, has found Christ.
This is the start of something amazing. Others will look up to him, and his example will change so many lives. It was worth it. Every tear. Every struggle. Every pain in my mission. It was all oh so worth it. Words can't describe it.
I know this is what God wanted for me. I know this is where he still wants me to be.
Missions are so special. They are worth every minute! And they are so short!!
To all my fellow WATAC-ers out there, my fellow missionaries still out in the field, wherever you may be, and to those soon to be putting on that tag for the first time, I want you all to know just how great this is. This is unlike anything you will ever experience. Missions are such an opportunity, to change our lives, become who we need to be, and to learn who Christ really is. How much God loves his missionaries! We are his army. This is our chance to retrieve the lost. To fight for the truth! Remember, that there is no sacrifice too great to honor the one who gave his all for us.
I know with all my heart that after this day neither Denilson nor I will ever be the same.
I am so grateful for the chance I had to help Denilson onto the covenant path. I now know that we will be brothers for the eternities.
I love you all. Have the best week.
Elder Hakala
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